This day has been a long day coming…I used to have other blog posts written up here, but I decided to erase them from cyberspace. I just wasn’t feelin em, and wasn’t feelin where my blog was heading. It was a tad too personal, (by personal, I mean I had a tad too many of my actual feelings on here lol) and wasn’t going where I wanted it to go, so I pretty much decided to start over. It wasn’t until my TBF quit Twitter for Lent and decided to start blogging that I decided to pick it back up again (shoutout to my TBF, go read her blog too!) There have been situations and thoughts that have been in my mind for a while now that I think need to be spoken on, and what better medium than Blogger to get some of these thoughts out and to see what other people have to say about things, if they have anything to say at all (lol).
If anyone reading this has ever spent any amount of time around me, or have had a couple of conversations with me, they will be certain that I am mostly relationship-driven. Whether it be developing, maintaining, or creating friendships, I’m always based in relationships. I don’t know if it’s the Libra in me, or the woman in me, or if it has something to do with how I was raised, and my constant desire to want to be close to those around me, but I am always based in relationships. Now…it’s a known fact that I’m single. I’ve been single for a long time now, and I honestly just got comfortable with myself as a young, single, African American woman. And quite frankly, I’m happy being single. I’m genuinely happy with getting to know and love myself and to finally become comfortable with who I am as a person and as a woman, and to get comfortable with what I want out of my life. That being said, I won’t sit here and lie and say that the thought of a relationship never crosses my mind. I’d be a damn lie if I said that, so I won’t. Is it at the forefront of my mind like it used to be? Absolutely not, and I refuse to go back to that ever again, because I don’t like the person I am when relationships and expectations of people are at the front of my mind.
I digress.
With all that being said, I have to delve into what really grinds my gears. Since I’m not in a relationship, I tend to pay attention to people that are. Sorry. If you’re in a relationship, chances are, I’m observing you. I’m not only looking to see what aspects of your relationship I want to take into my own if I am so blessed as to get into one any time soon, but I am also looking at what I don’t want to take. There are things that I see in relationships around me that I honestly appreciate and enjoy. I like seeing people that respect each other, enjoy each other, and make each other happy. Honestly, that makes me smile :o). Now all that extra mushy, let’s kiss on each other every 5 seconds thing…not for me, please save it or get a hotel room lol. It’s really refreshing, especially to see people my age that genuinely know what it means to appreciate the person that they’re with and enjoy who they’re with. That being said, what grinds my gears is the people that don’t. Like…c’mon son. If you’ve got someone that you’re with, or even someone who you’re talking to, please please don’t take them for granted. There are people out here that actually want to be in relationships that aren’t in them, so if you’re so blessed as to be in one, why not enjoy it?! If you’re with somebody…like…enjoy them! Listen to them when they talk! Go out and have fun with them! Support their dreams! Be there for them when things are good AND when things are bad! Take care of them (please take that as you will…)! Respect them, cherish them, love on them, hug them, kiss them, offer up back massages, cook them dinner…I mean damn, there are at least 17 more ways I can put up here to enjoy the person that you’re in a situation or a relationship with and to make them feel good about themselves, but apparently people are missing the memo. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in horrible ass relationships. Scratch that. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in mediocre relationships. Mediocrity just irritates me in every aspect of life, so relationships are no different. I get especially irritated because I know I’m a good person and capable of providing a good relationship (Or am I?...), so it irritates the SHYT out of me to see people going through things that don’t have to be as bad as they are.
I digress again.
The point of that entire thesis up there was basically to say this: If you’re in a relationship/situation, enjoy the person you’re with. Tell em you love em (but only if you really do, no sense in lying…), enjoy their company, talk to them, and really get to know the one you’re with. If you’re not in a relationship/situation (like me), take notes! Experience is the best teacher, but there’s nothing wrong with taking notes on other people’s situations to not have to make the same mistakes as our friends! Feel free to leave notes, comments, feedback…whatever. Or if you just wanna read and take what you will from it, that’s fine too…
Until next time…
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6 comments:
I agree with everything you said. It's hard to watch people in relationships who are ungrateful for what they have and who allow it to become mediocre, especially as a single person.
Having said that, you mentioned that experience is the best teacher. A good amount of the relationship wisdom that you've amassed through your life probably came through mistakes you've made. While it's hard to see other people make mistakes, they might be mistakes that they need to make in order to gain the same wisdom you have. Of course that's not to say encourage these mistakes or don't offer wisdom when appropriate. We just have to recognize that there are some lessons the you can only learn when you teach yourself.
PS: But seriously, close this blog. It sucks.
My sentiments exactly, those who want a relationship will do what is needed for the relationship to grow. A lot of ppl out here aren't in relationships in my opinion but "mutual understandings" or "elementary school relationships". Basically, its I like your looks, you like my looks, so why don't we get together. The substance is lacking within the relationship therefore it is doomed to fail like a stutterer in a oratorical contest.
@ Berook, you're right...a lot of the relationship wisdom I do have is from things that I have gone through, and some of it comes from watching people go through situations and realizing that I don't have the patience to put up with the same things people go through. It definitely is hard to watch people go through things that seem so EASY to get over, but you're right...there are some lessons that can only be self-taught. And if you're lucky enough to be my friend, I'll be there through it all, and help you pick up the pieces when all is said and done.
@ James, you're right, those who want a relationship will do what is needed to grow. But both people have to be willing to do what is necessary to make things work and to put in the effort to make changes that are necessary. Admittedly, some people do get into hasty relationships (next blog topic), but sometimes, they end up being worthwhile relationships. It's just all in if the person is right for you for the time period you're in in your life, and if you're right for that person in the time period they're in...but this is just my opinion. :o)
Tell us how you really feel TBF! lol Great blog! Great points! Be grateful folks! Stop being snotty brats! SHAAAT!!!! lol
Signed,
You're TBF
*ahem ahem* Is this thang on?? *ahem ahem* :0)
Thanks for posting this! It was a great read and I understand how you feel about posting too much personal stuff on a blog. I had a blogspot and deleted it but it'll be back soon...I feel it in mah SPIRIT!!!
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships....They are so complicated yet so DAMN easy, Right? I feel when dealing with intimate type of relationships, you have to be careful when looking to others and observing. What some folks do, DEFINATELY won't work for your own.
We tend to mimic one's actions in a relationship that we observe on a long term basis i.e. the way a Female Figure Head treated a Male Figure Head in your life is the way you will treat your significant other. Also, we tend to feel a certain way about the opposite sex/same sex in the way they have treated us during our life time i.e. if you had a trusting, loving relationship with your father or mother, you will be able to build a healthy one with your significant other, and last but not least, If we see healthy relationships, we know that they exist but I can damn sure tell you that I won't pick up pointers from the next couple.
Every relationship is unique and we live and we learn with each one that comes our way. As one waits on the right one, We should prepare ourselves to be loved and to love another honestly and respectfully. Hell, If you can't do that with your own self, then why attempt to do it for another and expect that from someone as well...
Lawd...My comment is way to long and it almost turned into a Thesis Paper...I need to go back to school...
@ TBF, *dead* at SHAAAAT! lol...and YES PEOPLE LISTEN TO HER! Stop being grateful!
@C.J., I agree, you do have to be careful..I know for myself, what I observe to take with me (mostly) is how the two people are treating one another...like, do they respect one another, do they have fun, things like that...I know I'm only seeing one facet of their relationship since I'm not with them all the time...but I like to see people's "happy quotient" over time lol. I'm in total agreement with the fact that we tend to treat people how we watched those before us treat others. I know that some of my strengths as well as some of my weaknesses come from the relationships I participated in and witnessed growing up. I wasn't convinced that those relationships (especially parental ones) had any effect on me until I got older and was able to pick out traits that I noticed in my parents' relationship in my own dealings with other people. And don't worry about the long comment, I rather enjoyed it! :o)
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