For the first time in a long time today, I actually sat and had a conversation with one of my best friends. Both of us have been really really busy over the last few weeks; her with starting a new job, me with the wear and tear of grad school and the job that I have now. Without divulging too much of her business, one of the topics that came up in the midst of our conversation was fear. Now, I feel like fear is one of those things that comes up in a lot of different aspects of life…it’s not limited to relationships, although I think fear is a large factor in why some people don’t take full advantage (in the good way of course) of people that come in and out of their lives.
I digress.
Talking to her about fear, and seeing a question posed on Twitter that caused me to say that fear was the answer to it caused it to take the forefront in my mind for the day today. I sat and thought about what throughout my lifetime I haven’t done…not because I wasn’t capable of it, or not because I would have failed miserably, but simply because I was scared. How many educational opportunities, social opportunities, relational opportunities did I miss out on because of fear? To put it lightly, the answer is a lot. Looking back, especially over my collegiate career, there were a lot of things that I could have, and in some respects should have, done that I didn’t do because I was scared. How different could my life be if I had just faced my fears head on and taken some of the challenges presented to me?
High risk, high reward, right?
Granted, I’m sure I wouldn’t be in some of the positions I’m in now…I wouldn’t know some of the people I know, probably wouldn’t be in the academic program I’m in now…probably wouldn’t even be living in the same state right now, but…it boggles my mind to sit and think about how different some things in my life could be if I threw caution to the wind, stared my fears in the face, and just confronted them.
There are plenty of things I’m afraid of to this day…I’m sure over the course of this blog, some of the things I’m afraid of will become apparent. I’m also certain that there are some things that I don’t even know that I’m scared of that are waiting to reveal themselves at the most inopportune time possible. Hopefully, I can take some of the lessons I’ve learned thus far and not be so scared to do the things I want to do and to truly pursue the things that I know I am capable of and that I feel like I deserve to experience.
Shrug.
That being said about me, what are some of your fears? Do you think fear can ever be rational? Or do you feel like fear is something people hide behind to shortchange themselves in the long run (whether consciously or subconsciously)? Feel free to share your thoughts, I’m always eager to hear (read) how people feel.
Until next time…
Ungrateful Mofos!
This day has been a long day coming…I used to have other blog posts written up here, but I decided to erase them from cyberspace. I just wasn’t feelin em, and wasn’t feelin where my blog was heading. It was a tad too personal, (by personal, I mean I had a tad too many of my actual feelings on here lol) and wasn’t going where I wanted it to go, so I pretty much decided to start over. It wasn’t until my TBF quit Twitter for Lent and decided to start blogging that I decided to pick it back up again (shoutout to my TBF, go read her blog too!) There have been situations and thoughts that have been in my mind for a while now that I think need to be spoken on, and what better medium than Blogger to get some of these thoughts out and to see what other people have to say about things, if they have anything to say at all (lol).
If anyone reading this has ever spent any amount of time around me, or have had a couple of conversations with me, they will be certain that I am mostly relationship-driven. Whether it be developing, maintaining, or creating friendships, I’m always based in relationships. I don’t know if it’s the Libra in me, or the woman in me, or if it has something to do with how I was raised, and my constant desire to want to be close to those around me, but I am always based in relationships. Now…it’s a known fact that I’m single. I’ve been single for a long time now, and I honestly just got comfortable with myself as a young, single, African American woman. And quite frankly, I’m happy being single. I’m genuinely happy with getting to know and love myself and to finally become comfortable with who I am as a person and as a woman, and to get comfortable with what I want out of my life. That being said, I won’t sit here and lie and say that the thought of a relationship never crosses my mind. I’d be a damn lie if I said that, so I won’t. Is it at the forefront of my mind like it used to be? Absolutely not, and I refuse to go back to that ever again, because I don’t like the person I am when relationships and expectations of people are at the front of my mind.
I digress.
With all that being said, I have to delve into what really grinds my gears. Since I’m not in a relationship, I tend to pay attention to people that are. Sorry. If you’re in a relationship, chances are, I’m observing you. I’m not only looking to see what aspects of your relationship I want to take into my own if I am so blessed as to get into one any time soon, but I am also looking at what I don’t want to take. There are things that I see in relationships around me that I honestly appreciate and enjoy. I like seeing people that respect each other, enjoy each other, and make each other happy. Honestly, that makes me smile :o). Now all that extra mushy, let’s kiss on each other every 5 seconds thing…not for me, please save it or get a hotel room lol. It’s really refreshing, especially to see people my age that genuinely know what it means to appreciate the person that they’re with and enjoy who they’re with. That being said, what grinds my gears is the people that don’t. Like…c’mon son. If you’ve got someone that you’re with, or even someone who you’re talking to, please please don’t take them for granted. There are people out here that actually want to be in relationships that aren’t in them, so if you’re so blessed as to be in one, why not enjoy it?! If you’re with somebody…like…enjoy them! Listen to them when they talk! Go out and have fun with them! Support their dreams! Be there for them when things are good AND when things are bad! Take care of them (please take that as you will…)! Respect them, cherish them, love on them, hug them, kiss them, offer up back massages, cook them dinner…I mean damn, there are at least 17 more ways I can put up here to enjoy the person that you’re in a situation or a relationship with and to make them feel good about themselves, but apparently people are missing the memo. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in horrible ass relationships. Scratch that. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in mediocre relationships. Mediocrity just irritates me in every aspect of life, so relationships are no different. I get especially irritated because I know I’m a good person and capable of providing a good relationship (Or am I?...), so it irritates the SHYT out of me to see people going through things that don’t have to be as bad as they are.
I digress again.
The point of that entire thesis up there was basically to say this: If you’re in a relationship/situation, enjoy the person you’re with. Tell em you love em (but only if you really do, no sense in lying…), enjoy their company, talk to them, and really get to know the one you’re with. If you’re not in a relationship/situation (like me), take notes! Experience is the best teacher, but there’s nothing wrong with taking notes on other people’s situations to not have to make the same mistakes as our friends! Feel free to leave notes, comments, feedback…whatever. Or if you just wanna read and take what you will from it, that’s fine too…
Until next time…
If anyone reading this has ever spent any amount of time around me, or have had a couple of conversations with me, they will be certain that I am mostly relationship-driven. Whether it be developing, maintaining, or creating friendships, I’m always based in relationships. I don’t know if it’s the Libra in me, or the woman in me, or if it has something to do with how I was raised, and my constant desire to want to be close to those around me, but I am always based in relationships. Now…it’s a known fact that I’m single. I’ve been single for a long time now, and I honestly just got comfortable with myself as a young, single, African American woman. And quite frankly, I’m happy being single. I’m genuinely happy with getting to know and love myself and to finally become comfortable with who I am as a person and as a woman, and to get comfortable with what I want out of my life. That being said, I won’t sit here and lie and say that the thought of a relationship never crosses my mind. I’d be a damn lie if I said that, so I won’t. Is it at the forefront of my mind like it used to be? Absolutely not, and I refuse to go back to that ever again, because I don’t like the person I am when relationships and expectations of people are at the front of my mind.
I digress.
With all that being said, I have to delve into what really grinds my gears. Since I’m not in a relationship, I tend to pay attention to people that are. Sorry. If you’re in a relationship, chances are, I’m observing you. I’m not only looking to see what aspects of your relationship I want to take into my own if I am so blessed as to get into one any time soon, but I am also looking at what I don’t want to take. There are things that I see in relationships around me that I honestly appreciate and enjoy. I like seeing people that respect each other, enjoy each other, and make each other happy. Honestly, that makes me smile :o). Now all that extra mushy, let’s kiss on each other every 5 seconds thing…not for me, please save it or get a hotel room lol. It’s really refreshing, especially to see people my age that genuinely know what it means to appreciate the person that they’re with and enjoy who they’re with. That being said, what grinds my gears is the people that don’t. Like…c’mon son. If you’ve got someone that you’re with, or even someone who you’re talking to, please please don’t take them for granted. There are people out here that actually want to be in relationships that aren’t in them, so if you’re so blessed as to be in one, why not enjoy it?! If you’re with somebody…like…enjoy them! Listen to them when they talk! Go out and have fun with them! Support their dreams! Be there for them when things are good AND when things are bad! Take care of them (please take that as you will…)! Respect them, cherish them, love on them, hug them, kiss them, offer up back massages, cook them dinner…I mean damn, there are at least 17 more ways I can put up here to enjoy the person that you’re in a situation or a relationship with and to make them feel good about themselves, but apparently people are missing the memo. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in horrible ass relationships. Scratch that. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in mediocre relationships. Mediocrity just irritates me in every aspect of life, so relationships are no different. I get especially irritated because I know I’m a good person and capable of providing a good relationship (Or am I?...), so it irritates the SHYT out of me to see people going through things that don’t have to be as bad as they are.
I digress again.
The point of that entire thesis up there was basically to say this: If you’re in a relationship/situation, enjoy the person you’re with. Tell em you love em (but only if you really do, no sense in lying…), enjoy their company, talk to them, and really get to know the one you’re with. If you’re not in a relationship/situation (like me), take notes! Experience is the best teacher, but there’s nothing wrong with taking notes on other people’s situations to not have to make the same mistakes as our friends! Feel free to leave notes, comments, feedback…whatever. Or if you just wanna read and take what you will from it, that’s fine too…
Until next time…
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